Day 3 or is it 4

Wow have lost track on the number of days I have been on this track---they say it takes a minimum of six weeks to make a lifestyle change....the food has got to get better or maybe I will just become used to it. My inward parts are definitely rebelling---oh yeah---they are not giving me much time LOL!!! Tried cooking the Ezechiel cereal today hoping to soften it's impact was better but still kind of like eating hard grass!!

I definitely like the soy milk so much easier on the body and not bad at all.

I realize I can't blog forever on food LOL so this is going to slowly flow into my diary of dreams I think. A preacher once said write down your dreams and give them to God so I think I am going to include my dreams here and God they are for you. You will do with them what you want .... I have figured that out the hard way. Rarely are our dreams fulfilled they way we want them. There is always a snake in the grass.. It would be nice to be minus the snake but as long as we are human I guess it is just what it is.

I am still hoping for the job change---it's still out there---just waiting---hard to move on until I know that the door is either open or closed. Just in limbo.

I dream of so much---sometimes it scares me that none of them will be fulfilled...

I live with and love a man who has his dreams fulfilled...his are so simple...some days I wish that mine were as simple. I stress him out with my dreams because they are so beyond his. He doesn't understand my need to see and experience the world. He is very happy in this little world we have created. I have reached the point where I have told him that I will go and see when I can and he can just keep the home fires going. I have a lot of friend and relatives who will go with me but at the same time I think I could do it alone...I could travel with a good book...for company and probably enjoy it more because I would not have to share my agenda LOL!!! At the same time sharing joy is a good thing another conundrum.

I find that I stress myself out trying to please other people --- are they happy---are they having a good time---especially my husband---I am learning how to just let him be if he has a good time in any situation then it's on him not me. Realizing I am not responsible for everyone's happiness has been hard for me to let go of. I drive Josh my son crazy with this. I think one of these days he is going to throw me through a window!!! LOL He gets so frustrated with me "Mom!!! Just let it go!!! Let me be angry or sad or whatever quit trying to fix it!!!" I used to feel it was selfish of me to have a good time if I wasn't sure everyone else was and maybe it is selfish but I officially give up the responsibility.

Have I mentioned that I hate my job....well I do....Love most of the people....and that has been a blessing getting to know new and interesting intelligent people. They have challenged me in so many ways. Some are so young (at least to me) and I just want to grab them up and take care of them. I worry about them and some of their choices and want to protect them from themselves but then again that is not my job.

Well I think I am finished for now but will be back. God you know my dreams I leave them to you at least I will try to. Sometimes I am afraid they are not important to you so you don't see them.