Day 3 or is it 4

Wow have lost track on the number of days I have been on this track---they say it takes a minimum of six weeks to make a lifestyle change....the food has got to get better or maybe I will just become used to it. My inward parts are definitely rebelling---oh yeah---they are not giving me much time LOL!!! Tried cooking the Ezechiel cereal today hoping to soften it's impact was better but still kind of like eating hard grass!!

I definitely like the soy milk so much easier on the body and not bad at all.

I realize I can't blog forever on food LOL so this is going to slowly flow into my diary of dreams I think. A preacher once said write down your dreams and give them to God so I think I am going to include my dreams here and God they are for you. You will do with them what you want .... I have figured that out the hard way. Rarely are our dreams fulfilled they way we want them. There is always a snake in the grass.. It would be nice to be minus the snake but as long as we are human I guess it is just what it is.

I am still hoping for the job change---it's still out there---just waiting---hard to move on until I know that the door is either open or closed. Just in limbo.

I dream of so much---sometimes it scares me that none of them will be fulfilled...

I live with and love a man who has his dreams fulfilled...his are so simple...some days I wish that mine were as simple. I stress him out with my dreams because they are so beyond his. He doesn't understand my need to see and experience the world. He is very happy in this little world we have created. I have reached the point where I have told him that I will go and see when I can and he can just keep the home fires going. I have a lot of friend and relatives who will go with me but at the same time I think I could do it alone...I could travel with a good book...for company and probably enjoy it more because I would not have to share my agenda LOL!!! At the same time sharing joy is a good thing another conundrum.

I find that I stress myself out trying to please other people --- are they happy---are they having a good time---especially my husband---I am learning how to just let him be if he has a good time in any situation then it's on him not me. Realizing I am not responsible for everyone's happiness has been hard for me to let go of. I drive Josh my son crazy with this. I think one of these days he is going to throw me through a window!!! LOL He gets so frustrated with me "Mom!!! Just let it go!!! Let me be angry or sad or whatever quit trying to fix it!!!" I used to feel it was selfish of me to have a good time if I wasn't sure everyone else was and maybe it is selfish but I officially give up the responsibility.

Have I mentioned that I hate my job....well I do....Love most of the people....and that has been a blessing getting to know new and interesting intelligent people. They have challenged me in so many ways. Some are so young (at least to me) and I just want to grab them up and take care of them. I worry about them and some of their choices and want to protect them from themselves but then again that is not my job.

Well I think I am finished for now but will be back. God you know my dreams I leave them to you at least I will try to. Sometimes I am afraid they are not important to you so you don't see them.

Chinese Veggie

Well had a different form of Tofu today -- Chinese Veggie with Tofu was better and tasted a whole lot better than what I can do but still going to have to get used to consistency....had the same problem when I first started eating Yogurt as a kid---hate Lima beans too because they feel weird in my mouth....hmmmm seems to be a repeating pattern LOL!!!

Gonna have to figure out if I can live with this--not sure I can--hoping but am struggling---not that I want to eat meat in particular but I miss other things--Cheese being one! Don't mind soy milk at all does not mess with my digestive system---but soy cheese --umm not so good!

I want to do so much more in my life and want to be healthy enough to do it! I want to see New York at Christmas...if I could I would sail around the world and see everything. I so admire my friend Chris...she has stepped out into a brave new world and is embracing it!! How wonderful how marvelous a gift she is giving herself and yes her family... A story her grandchildren will be able to tell.

I want my grandchildren to be able to tell wonderful stories about me...I know vanity but none the less I do. My children can tell wonderful stories I have shared with them about their Grandmother---she did so much---some how my life has passed so quickly and I am on the down hill turn and not much to say about it. I do have two wonderful legacies my sons they are so wonderful such bright, funny and marvelous young men, also two spectacular grandsons who I love so very much. I am so looking foreword to seeing what they become and do with their lives. Thus the crux of the life change I want to be here to see that!

If I leave nothing else I hope I leave love to those I love and a knowledge within their hearts that they are special and wonderful gifts I have been given.

A conundrum...

I found myself today playing a game where you harvest fish---put myself in a conundrum---how does one say I am making a life style change but play a game that is contrary to that change. Found I needed to delete the game LOL!!!

Wow maybe I am more touchy feely than I thought! Still pondering that possibility---naw---nope--don't think so.

Need to figure out how to make tofu more appealing!!! Ugh not doing so well for sure!! Maybe it's the kind I got but just feels narley in my mouth and I know it gets it's flavor from other things but I haven't figured out that trick either!

Still don't feel like climbing Mount Everest--still waiting for that aha moment --- that says---YES!! AHAHAHHA I feel as young as I think (and trust me I think pretty young!).

Frustration

Frustration is the key word today....absolutely nothing to do with veggie land...just wish people would let kids be kids and quit trying to mold them into perfect little creatures....We set examples we don't mold!

Anyway back to veggie land....need to find a better source of food --- am getting really bored already with the limitations we have here. Nothing around use close to really explore food opptions that is a major bummer --- only so often you can eat mushy tofu because it's the only one you can find!!! I know there are all kinds of tasty products out there other wise people would not be able to stay on this thing cause right now pretty gross!!! My big highlight is tofu baloney and that's not saying much! I think I am going to have to figure out protein fruit drinks--which means pulling out the old blender--sigh --- which means more dishes---ugh!!! Oh well one must sacrifice I guess! Think I am going to hit the health food store myself today to see what I can find!! Looking foreward to a trip with Dana to see what we can find around us---OKC or the Falls hopefully something bigger with better choices!!! I need a tofu cookie about right now!!!!

Another Day......

Well it's another day in Veggie land....finding I don't want to tell people I have chosen this path. I live in beef country --- people here eat just about anything on 4 legs or two for that matter---I am sure they will think I have lost my mind. Manuel just keeps saying "well it tastes healthy" LOL regarding anything he eats!

Cheated a bit today went to a luncheon and ate Cheese---but had to eat some kind of protein---thought I had covered it earlier but my blood sugar was dropping. Kept wanting to turn around to see if the Vegan police were behind me!!! Just knew a siren was going to go off any minute!

Eating Ez. bread and almond butter right now---man I want a pound of salt to go on it!!!

Waiting for that new burst of energy---nothing is happening---there should be fireworks going off in my body---saying whoo hooo ---way to go D.!!!

Maybe tomorrow!

grassy food hmmm really gassy food!!!

Okay know I already posted today but I gotta say....why does everything taste kinda like---grass---interesting or maybe the bread we are eating with all the healthy stuff in it kinda feels that way LOL!! Got tofu baloney and it is not half bad..really tastes like a very very healthy sandwich probably due to the bread not the "meat". I think Manuel put mayo on it .... I don't think he knows that's not Vegan LOL. Oh well it's a learning process and I am not giving up chocolate soooooo what can I say? I know I have mentioned that before....but what is sad I haven't been able to cheat on any sugar what so ever at this point. This eating way of life keeps my blood sugar very close to the edge so I eat small meals every two to three hours---don't how this will work when I am back to work. So right now I can't eat Chocolate now that really sucks I gotta say!!!!!

I know I should figure out how to make smoothies with protein in them but geez the mess and then you have to clean it up---ugh!!! Maybe just go to Starbucks and get a Banana thingy with extra protein let them do the work---sounds good to me!

Oh and by the way I still feel like crap should I be feeling glorious by now I mean it's been almost 24 hours?!

Day two on the Journey to Health

Well only day two am encountering some difficulties---really hard to keep my blood sugar up---usually don't have to eat as soon as I get up---but today I did. Interesting breakfast Ez. Bread Almond butter with a touch of honey. And some raw trail mix. Of course on the road to health my Diet Dr. Pepper LOL!!

I have been reading a lot of articles and am finding that I am more like the disciple Thomas--I want to put my finger in the nail marks on Christs hand. I want to see for myself what is happening out there it's hard for me to accept on someones bias. I find that not surprising but interesting about myself. Christianity has always been a hard road for me--have had experiences to numerous to count which gives me the ability to walk in my faith but at the same time I would really like to sit down with Jesus in the flesh and have a chat. Not some woo woo spiritual experience--however I just have to walk in faith and boy that is hard for me. Especially when I don't see answers to prayer (my way LOL!)

I have found on this road to health that this food would allow you to inflate a Zeppelin and cruise around for quite awhile!!! Not feeling great yet wanted to feel great right away LOL again my impatience raising it's ugly head. Of course I have to remember that I choose to start this when I am already ill with whatever is going around so that may be contributing to how I feel at the moment.

I know that I broadcast everything and every feeling but also find I don't really want to share this quite as loudly as I usually share everything else...what if I fail...does that expose my underbelly? It is helping me to do this blog ... never have been a writer but finding this a good way for me to walk this road. Not only does it make me accountable but it also allows me to see progress...